CHRONOLOGICAL
SUPER SECRET SHIELD UNDERGROUND BASE
Too Early for Main Characters to Be Killed - Despite
having just killed almost all of the SHIELD workers in the room when he first
arrives, when confronted with the main characters played by big movie stars,
Loki opts to either keep them alive under mind control or to just have one of
his drones shoot him in the vest and then just leave him like a stereotypical
Bond villain.
Dr. Selvig Mind Control - Having just seen Loki use his scepter to take over the mind of two separate people, maybe Selvig should have stayed out of scepter reach instead of thinking that it was okay to stand right next to the god who just killed a bunch of people.
Dr. Selvig Mind Control - Having just seen Loki use his scepter to take over the mind of two separate people, maybe Selvig should have stayed out of scepter reach instead of thinking that it was okay to stand right next to the god who just killed a bunch of people.
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| Too close! Keep a distance of at least six feet. Or better yet, run away while he's not facing you. |
But They Don't Care Who She Is Either - See first point. Despite having killed every other single person who they crossed paths with, they just leave Maria Hill alone despite her suspicious inquiry, giving her the opportunity to give chase later.
Great Timing - Nick Fury is conveniently out of commission
only for the exact second that it would take for Loki to get away. Any time earlier and all the problems Loki caused later would have been avoided.
Hawkeye's Aim - When Maria Hill is driving in front of
Hawkeye, with the two vehicles facing each other, how does Hawkeye, the world's
greatest sharpshooter, not only miss Hill, but never even hit the window in
front of her? One might argue that Loki's mind control powers have an effect on Hawkeye's
abilities, but that doesn't seem to hinder him any other time in the movie.
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| Hawkeye's aim was actually worse than this picture would indicate, as that big hole in the window was actually caused by Maria Hill shooting out. Hawkeye's bullet holes are nowhere to be found. |
Collapse - See the first point again. When the facility collapses onto Maria Hill she finds herself remarkably unhurt with plenty of space to get out of her vehicle and go about business as usual.
"We Are At War" - How's that? Yes, Loki did steal
a device from SHIELD that'll give him a ton of free electricity, but how is that
somehow the equivalent of being at war? That's quite a leap. Just get a SEAL team or Black Widow and go get it back. No muss. There's no need to create a
superhero team just for this.
BUILDING THE TEAM
Hulk - SHIELD has to know how futile it would be to try to
bring a group of soldiers to subdue Bruce Banner should he Hulk out. All
trying to physically take on the Hulk would do is cost them a bunch of lives.
"The Other Guy" - When did Banner start using this phrase all the time? Just call him "The Hulk" already.
"The Other Guy" - When did Banner start using this phrase all the time? Just call him "The Hulk" already.
Nick Fury - The guy really wants to create the Avengers. With
the right push, they could be an incredible fighting force. But for what
purpose? What threat does he think is coming that requires the Avengers? He has
no knowledge of any impending alien invasion at this point.
Captain America - Captain America: "Trying to get me
back into the world?" Nick Fury: "Trying to save it." Again,
what gives Nick Fury the impression that the world is being threatened? Some guy stole their perpetual motion machine, that's all that has happened so far. And what gives Nick Fury the idea that Captain America will be any good at fighting a demi-god.
Iron Man - "The Avengers Initiative was scraped, I
thought I didn't even qualify." So at the end of the first Iron Man movie,
Nick Fury approaches Tony Stark to recruit him. In the second movie, Nick Fury
talks to Stark in depth about the program he's trying to create but he's dropped
as a recruit. Then it's revealed at the beginning of this movie that the program had
been scraped, but that's okay, because they bring back the program and recruit
Tony Stark not long later anyway, making everything regarding the
Avengers in the first two Iron Man movies completely pointless.
War Machine - Where is he? There are two men who have
protective iron suits that are loaded with guns and lasers. Why is the
inclination to go to the sarcastic billionaire playboy for help instead of the
Air Force Colonel? They bring in Captain America for no other reason than his
military experience it seems, but they still forget all about War Machine.
Loki - Why does he need the Tesseract to get all of the
Chitauri to Earth when Thanos seems to have the ability to transfer Loki to and
from Earth with ease? Or why didn't Thanos just transport to Earth himself and grab the Tesseract real fast than transport away?
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| This... |
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| ...to this. Just do that with all the bad guys... |
HELICARRIER
The Flying Hellicarrier - What purpose does that serve apart
from just causing problems when someone damages one of the engines?
Hulk on the Hellicarrier - Bruce Banner: "They want me
in a submerged pressurized metal container." Of course not, that would be
stupid. It turns out it's a flying pressurized metal container. At least Bruce
Banner's response of "This is much worse," shows he has some sort of
common sense that nobody else seemed to have bothered themselves with.
The Invisible Flying Hellicarrier - What purpose does that
serve? Are they secretly sneaking into enemy territory and pulling off
covert-missions with that thing? Then it's a good thing it's not the loudest transportation
vehicle in the history of the world, right? Oh wait...
Here's Your Money - Captain America never took Nick Fury up on that bet and is under no obligation to pay him the ten dollars. Even if he wanted to pay, Nick Fury should have turned him down the offer.
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| There are so many actual practical uses for this technology. |
Here's Your Money - Captain America never took Nick Fury up on that bet and is under no obligation to pay him the ten dollars. Even if he wanted to pay, Nick Fury should have turned him down the offer.
STUTTGART, GERMANY
Getting Loki - Nick Fury: "Captain, you're up." Again,
how could Nick Fury have thought that Captain America would have stood a chance
fighting against Loki.
Captain America's New Uniform - The uniform in the Captain
America movie looked great. This one looks like a Halloween costume.
OMG RUN! - Loki hits a man with a stick, which stuns
everyone around, and then shoves a shiny device onto another man's face, which elicits the strange reaction of mass panic through out the room, which quickly
spreads through the city streets. "HE HIT A GUY WITH A STICK AND KNOCKED A GUY
ONTO A TABLE! EVERYONE RUN! MASS PANIC THROUGH THE STREETS! HE'S HITTING PEOPLE WITH STICKS! RUN FOR YOUR
LIVES!" They were acting as if Loki had just opened fire and was shooting everyone. What made things even odder was that
most people just seemed to be running around randomly, not particularly away from Loki.
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| Those running to the left are those whom the term "Darwinism" was created for. |
Kneel! - So Loki attacks a couple of guys a throws around a holographic image of himself and everyone complies to his orders immediately and without hesitation? Looks like Loki is right about people really wanting to be subservient.
Keep Kneeling - Old Man: "Not to men like you."
Men like you? You mean a loony guy in a ridiculous costume in the middle of the
street yelling crazy things? Someone who this old man knows and understands so well
because he's been aware of his existence for a full ten seconds now? Men like that? How
brave of this old man to stand up to men like him.
That Helicarrier is Fast - Five minutes after learning of
Loki's location, Captain America is showing up in Germany to fight him. If they
can really travel that fast, why don't they just fly around the world super
fast and turn back time? They can be better prepared for Loki's arrival this time.
Captain's Entrance - So where did Captain America come from exactly? He just dropped out of the sky. Sure he's a super-soldier, but that's a bit much. He did bother to get a parachute the next time he jumped out of a plane.
Captain's Entrance - So where did Captain America come from exactly? He just dropped out of the sky. Sure he's a super-soldier, but that's a bit much. He did bother to get a parachute the next time he jumped out of a plane.
Hitler - Between the old man and Captain America, this whole
sequence seemed to take place in Germany just for the sole purpose of making a
couple of references as to how Loki's behavior is similar to that of Hitler's.
English - Apparently everyone in Germany speaks it.
Use Mind Control on Captain America - Loki's got a moment in
his brief fight with Captain America where he has Captain America beat. Instead
of mind controlling him or killing him, he holds the butt of his staff on
Captain America's head and waits for Captain America to attack him again, which
he does.
THE FOREST
That's the Best They Could Come Up With? - They could have
found a much more interesting location for this sequence to take place in.
Thor's Back! - Thor returns in a matter of which they're sure to explain in detail later. Despite being a known ally, Tony Stark is ready to take him on, fearing that Thor might take Loki away and then they'll never get their Tesseract. Okay, but then why just open up the
door and let Thor in? If he's on the outside, he can't get to the guy on the inside, which is what Stark wants, right? Maybe Thor would have gotten himself inside eventually, but
why make it easy for your enemies to get at you?
"I've Got A Plan. Attack." - Come on.
Gods - Captain America: "There's only one God ma'am,
and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that," he says after physically having just met two other gods.
Dark Energy - Okay, so at the end of Thor, it's very well
established that the only pathway back to Earth no longer exists. It was
intended to be a big emotional moment as Thor makes a big sacrifice for the
greater good, knowing that he may never get to see love of his life again. Then,
when Thor comes back to Earth, despite what had already been established, they quickly explain
away the discrepancy with a line said by Loki, "How much Dark Energy did
your father have to muster to conjure you here?" Oh, okay, Dark Energy. That
explains that. Moving on then. The term is as arbitrary as Loki claiming it was
"magic beans" or "pink elephants." "How many magic
beans did your father have to use to conjure you here?" They might have
just as well claimed that a wizard did it. They were just trying to get past
this problem as fast as possible, but why even establish this obstacle in
the first place when they knew that Thor would be coming right back for this
movie?
Forest Fight - Completely pointless and could have been
resolved with a couple minutes of talking things out instead of rushing to go
all punchy and kicky on each other. It almost seems like this was thrown in as
an afterthought. Like they had the script ready to go when they realized that
people would want a scene where the heroes face off against each other, so they
shoehorned a fight scene between them here. "Hey, not a lot happens in
between the beginning and the Helicarrier attack, go ahead and throw in that
fight scene here."
Thor's Lightning Power - Why doesn't Thor use this more?
Power 400 Percent Capacity - It looks like Tony Stark is
substantially under-powering his suits given that it could take a charge of
four times as much as he expected without a problem.
Captain America Runs Fast - Captain America parachutes down to the ground, but the fight between Iron Man and Thor had flown a long distance from their original point, and it takes Captain America a whole minute or so to catch up. He must be using that same technology that allowed him to travel to Germany in five minutes.
Captain America Getting Involved - Is Captain America really
stupid enough to think that he'd be able to intervene in the fight between the
metal robot man and a god? He has to know that his strong spirit and good
morals will not protect him from lightning strikes.
Bringing the Hammer Down - Was Thor really just about to
kill Captain America with his hammer? That's not nice at all. He couldn't have
known that Captain America's shield would have deflected his attack or that
Captain America would have even used it to defend himself. He was just going to
kill Captain America! That's messed up!
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| Whoa! Thor's about to kill that kid in the Captain America costume! |
"Are We Done Here?" - Thor hits Captain America's shield with his hammer, it knocks him back, and that apparently ends the fight. What had been resolved in that time that would lead them all to stop fighting and to all start working together? If anything, Thor should have just been angrier.
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| "So we're friends now, right?" |
Loki is Patient - While the heroes are busy fighting among themselves, Loki just sits patiently and waits for them to finish so he can go back into captivity. Sure, it's revealed later that Loki actually wanted to be captured, but shouldn't he at least have pretended like he was trying to get away so no one would get suspicious? Especially given that Tony Stark and Captain America had already discussed earlier that they thought they had captured Loki too easily the first time. This second time certainly should have cemented those suspicions.
BACK ON THE HELICARRIER
Loki's Hulk Cage - Nick Fury puts Loki into a cage built for
the Hulk that will drop Loki to the ground if he tries to escape. Why
would they want to lose Loki, even if it meant killing him, with the Tesseract
still out there? Wasn't keeping him in custody to get information from him the whole reason that Iron Man and Thor had just gotten into their big fight?
Hulk's Hulk Cage - And how was that thing every supposed to work in the first place? It's not like anyone could force the Hulk into that cage. The only way for the Hulk to get in there is if Bruce Banner went in voluntarily, kind of defeating the purpose. "Can you please get in there Mr. Banner so we can hold you against your will?" And if Bruce Banner wants to get out, escaping involves hitting on the walls really hard, then he's just let go. Not to mention the fact that this fail-safe on the cage is only effective when the Helicarrier is flying in the air, not when it's on the ground. Least effective prison ever?
Hulk's Hulk Cage - And how was that thing every supposed to work in the first place? It's not like anyone could force the Hulk into that cage. The only way for the Hulk to get in there is if Bruce Banner went in voluntarily, kind of defeating the purpose. "Can you please get in there Mr. Banner so we can hold you against your will?" And if Bruce Banner wants to get out, escaping involves hitting on the walls really hard, then he's just let go. Not to mention the fact that this fail-safe on the cage is only effective when the Helicarrier is flying in the air, not when it's on the ground. Least effective prison ever?
Red Shirts Are People Too - Discussing Loki's plan together,
the team realizes that Loki kidnapped Dr. Selvig because he needed him to build
the portal that would allow his army through. Upon inquiry as to why Selvig was
helping Loki, Black Widow states "Loki has him under some kind of spell,
along with one of ours." She does know that there are people other than
her boyfriend right? He has more than just one of theirs. Really, there was a no-name standing next to Hawkeye that he also took.
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| This guy. And unlike Hawkeye, he probably has a wife and kids. |
"He's adopted" - Painful. Thor is not the ideal character for witty one-liners. On the other hand, Asgardian adoption practices might be something worth exploring in sequels.
Tony Stark is Smart - Maria Hill: "When did you become an expert on thermonuclear astrophysics." Tony Stark: "Last night." Tony Stark is really really smart. He's immediately discussing a bunch of smart stuff with Bruce Banner after having spent just a day learning all about thermonuclear astrophysics. This brings up the question of why they even sought out the Hulk for his help to begin with. Tony Stark can get caught up to speed in about a day or so and there's no risk of him going mental and killing everything. It's win-win.
Captain America & The Smart Guys - Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are busy discussing Loki's plan for the Tesseract. Captain America: "Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?" And "I'd start with that stick of his. It may be magical but it works a lot like a Hydra-weapon." He has no knowledge of the past seventy years, he needs to stop acting like there's anyway he can contribute apart from just punching people. At least Black Widow never felt the need to try to help. She was smart enough just to stay out of the way.
"I Understood That Reference" - Seriously, you need to be quiet Captain America.
Galaga - The most cringe-worthy of the many failed attempts at humor in this movie. Tony Stark first joking that a SHIELD agent was playing Galaga was funny. But then to later show a SHIELD agent actually playing Galaga, it completely ruins the joke. It is completely out of place in this movie. And why would he go straight back to playing Galaga after having just been publicly called out on it?
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| OMG! SO FUNNY!!!11 |
Natalie Portman - Unlike War Machine, the movie actually takes the time to explain where she is, despite the fact that nobody cares and that she wouldn't have been of any use anyway.
Black Widow Interrogation - Black Widow goes to talk with
Loki. The two talk and Loki starts to say hurtful things to Black Widow. She
looks sad, but when she calls him a "monster" and Loki replies with,
"Oh no, you brought the monster," it is revealed to be all an act on
her part. And with that one line, Black Widow is somehow able to deduce that
Loki's plan is to unleash Hulk on the Helicarrier, causing problems. That's
quite an assumption based on that one line, especially given that Loki had
already talked previously about the Hulk being on the ship. It's not like he exactly said anything new.
Loki's Plan - So Loki's plan at this point was to get captured, knowing he
would, for some reason, get put onto a large flying boat that the Hulk
coincidentally would also be on at the same time. And also all the Avengers
would be there as well, a group that Loki shouldn't have any knowledge of
giving that they didn't even exist when he came to Earth. All this so Loki could, from the confines of his cell, unleash
the Hulk and cause problems for everyone, giving him a distraction so he can set up his magic portal. He's apparently thinking a few moves ahead.
SHIELD Has Secrets - Despite the fact that it's well known
that there was a lot cut out of this movie for the purposes of not having the
movie run too long, they sure seemed to spend a lot of time on Captain America
sneaking around and the heroes discussing their discovery that SHIELD wants to
use the Tesseract to create weapons, a story line that is pointless and goes
nowhere before being dropped entirely.
They Should Be Suspicious Anyway - SHIELD is a super secret
shadowy organization that doesn't seem to answer to anyone or have any
accountability or any public presence. And the heroes are surprised that SHIELD may
be doing evil stuff and keeping it a secret from them? The real question is why
any of the heroes trusted them in the first place.
Big Man in a Suit of Armor - Captain America: "Take off
that and what are you?" How does Captain America think that he has any
right to criticize someone who worked hard and became a one-man army all on his
own? Stark made his own armor, Captain America is just someone else's science
experiment. At least Tony Stark calls him out on it.
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| They don't trust each other. It's okay though, because it allows for "character development" later. |
The Invisible Flying Helicarrier Again - Given all the technology they put into hiding this thing, it sure didn't do them any good. It didn't slow down evil Hawkeye and the other bad guys for a second.
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| "Oh, there it is." |
Black Widow Can Stop Loki Now! - Now that Black Widow has Loki's evil plan figured out, she can use that information to stop him from unleashing the Hulk. Sure, she's standing around doing nothing for a little while, but she's certainly about to do something about what she recently learned. And... too late. So much for all the work she did figuring out Loki's evil plan all by herself. Next time bother to do something with that information. The whole interrogation scene seems to only exist so that they could show Black Widow contributing something to this movie.
HELICARRIER ATTACK
Should Have Just Used Hawkeye - If Loki wanted to cause a
lot of chaos and destruction on the Helicarrier, Hawkeye's one arrow did way
more damage than unleashing the Hulk.
More of Loki's Plan - Now that it's revealed how Loki intended on
unleashing the Hulk, would his whole plan have fallen apart if Bruce Banner had
just been standing in a different room? One not so close to the explosion?
Still More of Loki's Plan - And why was unleashing the Hulk
even necessary? Loki got his distraction. All the heroes are far away from
where he's setting up the portal. Just let them have their fun plane ride and
everything will be all set up by the time they're back in America. The aliens
will come soon, it's all good.
Plenty of Air to Breathe - Even though they're miles above
the Earth, Hawkeye and Captain America seem to run around on top and outside of the Helicarrier
just fine. This sticks
out especially because the first time they took off, Black Widow had advised Captain America to get inside specifically for this very reason.
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| Mind-control negates the need for oxygen. Neat huh? |
Cap Taking Orders - With the Helicarrier in danger, Iron Man and Captain America immediately go to fix it before it crashes. Iron Man knows what needs to be done and tells Captain America, "I need you to get to that engine control panel and tell me which relays are in overload position." Captain America nods his head and gets to work, as if this kid from the 1940's had any idea what Iron Man was talking about.
Mjolnir - Seeing as how the Helicarrier can lift up and hold Thor's Hammer just fine, it would appear that the Helicarrier is one of the few who are worthy to carry it.
Thor in a Cage - Loki tricks Thor into jumping into the Hulk cell, asking the question, "Are you ever not going to fall for that?" Excellent question Loki. I'm sure he'll
manage to avoid it on the times that the plot doesn't call for it.
Thor Could Get Out - While in the cage, Thor hits his hammer
against the cell, causing a substantial spider-web crack in the window. Then,
despite his progress, he just stands quietly and waits for his fate, instead
of, say, trying it again. Is he worried that the cage is going to be dropped if he tries to escape? That might be an excuse if he didn't just stand there patiently while Loki took his time to drop the cage himself.
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| "If only cracks didn't mean that the window was getting stronger!" |
Dropping Thor - Probably the first time in film history that a villain has tried to kill someone who he knows can fly by dropping him from a high distance.
Still Dropping - Would dropping Thor to his death work
anyway, even if he did hit the ground? He took a beating from the Hulk without
a scratch. In Thor, he fell from the skies unhurt and that was back when he had
his powers stripped from him. He should have just waited until he hit and
ground and then knocked his way out instead of trying to do it while in the middle of free fall.
Thor Escapes - See how good it can work out if you just try things again? If only he had done that earlier while he was still on board.
Cage for the Hulk - The cage Thor escaped out of pretty
easily doesn't seem nearly strong enough to hold the Hulk.
"So That's What It Does" - Brilliant on Loki's
part to stand right in front of the big gun that the not-dead-guy is holding. This is clear foreshadowing to his later confrontation with the Hulk.
"Captain, The Lever!" - Needing something to show that Captain America actually serves a purpose, he's given the daunting task of pulling a lever.
"Captain, The Lever!" - Needing something to show that Captain America actually serves a purpose, he's given the daunting task of pulling a lever.
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| "See! I'm Helping!" |
That Gun - Certainly could have made more use of that thing. Give it to Black Widow instead of making her run around with those small handguns.
THE AFTERMATH
"This Was Never Going to Work If They Didn't Have
Something To..." - Something to what?! How could he just die right there?! You have to say! Oh the suspense!
What About Hulk? - After the Helicarrier is working again
and the bad guys are gone, everyone sits around moping. Why is nobody
concerned about the current state and location of the Hulk? He's out there all
Hulked out. Shouldn't somebody do
something?
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| They think they're sad now? Just wait until they learn that the Hulk just killed nine-thousand people while they were sitting here crying. |
Nick Fury Giving Them Something to... - Fury is still obsessed with making this team. So Nick Fury's plan is to guilt two of the six heroes into working together to avenge Coulson's death. Sure, they were all bickering earlier, but when the alien invasion comes, would they really not work together to stop it? If not for Coulson's sacrifice, would they really just be like, "Aliens? I'm outta here!" Iron Man and Captain America worked together pretty spectacularly to save the Helicarrier, and that was before Coulson died. And they also worked together to fight Loki the first time around. Would their actions really have been any different for the rest of the movie just because they didn't have Coulson's death to avenge? What sort of heroes are these? Character development does not get much more artificial than this.
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| The collector value is ruined. Thanks Fury... |
And Speaking of Coulson - Did any of them really know Coulson at all? Captain America knew him for about a day. The rest had had brief passings with him. But apparently this one man's death is supposed to mean more to these people than the eighty deaths that were stated by Black Widow before the Helicarrier attack and the several that must have happened during it. What sort of heroes are these?
Loki's Next Step - Tony Stark: "Loki is a diva who
wants an audience. I know exactly where he is!" That's about as big of a leap as
the time Black Widow used a line Loki had said to figure out his plan. It's not
less ridiculous just because they're right for the sake of the plot.
Pick Up Your Hammer Thor - Thor find his hammer sitting in a deserted field. He goes to pick it up:
Then the movie cuts to some naked Hulk...
Then to some heartfelt conversations...
Next, some talking 'bout Loki's plan...
Then to revealing what Tony Stark figured out...
Then there's some "Hey guys! We know where Loki is!"
And finally, Thor decides to pick up his hammer.
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| That was a good long while of standing and looking at it. |
Loki's Still Ahead - And just like when Black Widow
figured out Loki's plan, figuring out the next step this time also did the
team no good. By the time they get the chance to do anything about it, Loki has
already enacted everything, making it useless that the brilliant Tony Stark
figured out Loki's plan in the first place. In fact, had all the heroes just sat back and done absolutely nothing up to this point, everything would more or less be exactly the same right now. Well, Agent Coulson would probably be alive still, but besides from that...
Stark Security - Some people might be inclined to believe that
billionaire tech-genius and super-villain target Tony Stark would have a decent
security system built into his residence to prevent bad guys from breaking in
and building inter-dimensional wormholes for alien armies to come through and kill everyone, but they would be wrong.
Oh Look, Hawkeye is Good - People sure seem quick to buy
Hawkeye's sudden change from evil to good. And why not? Black Widow punched him
really hard and everything.
Tony Stark's Armor - Tony Stark goes back to his place to
find Loki. He takes off his armor, because that's what you do when faced with
a god who has been trying to kill you. Sure it was banged up, but a little
armor is still going to be more useful than no armor when a god is trying to
kill you.
Battle of Wits - Loki: "I have an army." Tony
Stark: "We have a Hulk." They have a Hulk? Does he mean the giant
monster who has no control over himself who just tried to kill his teammates,
who nearly brought down the Helicarrier, who just fell out of an airplane miles
up in the air and hasn't been seen since? They have that guy?
Tony Stark's New Armor - Tony Stark sure is lucky that even
though Loki was holding his scepter to his chest and could have just killed him
exactly how he just killed Coulson, Loki instead decides to throw him out the
window, probably the single one way that would allow him to not die.
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| Stark isn't worried. He knows Loki is incapable of moving his arms up and down or side to side. |
NEW YORK ATTACK
Chitauri Aliens - They could have done anything with them
but instead just made them boring dog creatures.
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| This was the best they could do after learning on short notice that they actually didn't own the rights to the Skrulls. |
Chitauri Alien Army - They seem about as strong as your average person, making their threat pretty non-existent, especially given their small numbers. And their plan of riding around in circles and shooting parked cars didn't really seem like it was going to achieve anything in the long run. Super-heroes were not necessary to handle these guys. In fact, they probably took longer than the military would to take care of them just because the heroes are so insistent on hand-to-hand combat as opposed to using guns which would wipe out the aliens quickly and easily.
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| What's the point of even having fancy laser guns if this doesn't even manage to tear the costume? |
Tony Stark likes Bruce Banner - Tony Stark: "Has Banner showed up yet?" Why was Tony Stark so certain that the Hulk was going to be on their side, especially given what just happened? And what evidence is there even to support that he's still alive?
Ashley Johnson - The fixation on this extra was distracting.
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| Yes, we see you! |
Thor Is Back! - Thor's back to take on Loki! But how is this? He didn't even know about Coulson's bloody trading cards, so what possible reason could he have for returning and fighting alongside the others?
You Should Listen to the Nice Captain - Cop: "Why the hell should I take orders from you?" A perfectly valid question. It would be much more questionable if cops just took orders from this unknown costumed man in the middle of an alien invasion. But when the aliens start to attack and Captain America fights them off with ease, it's painfully clear where this exchange is headed. The cop turns around and follows Captain America's orders, having been convinced to trust him very quickly because of his fighting abilities. Hilarious... What made it so much worse was how long they dragged it out given the punchline couldn't have been any more obvious.
Hulk Am Back! - Bruce Banner shows back up again. How did he manage to get to New York so fast given that the Helicarrier was still so far away (as evidenced by how long it took the jet carrying the nuke to get from the Helicarrier to New York)? And he didn't know of Coulson's death, so why is he wasting his time here? He has nothing to avenge!
Hulk Find You - Armed with nothing more than his trusty motorcycle, Bruce Banner seems to know the exact spot on the exact block of the exact street where all of his friends currently are. No biggie. He is a brilliant scientist after all.
Yes, He's Back. Move on! - Despite the fact that the city is
under massive attack by aliens, everyone just decides to stand around looking
all dreamy eyed at each other when Bruce Banner returns. "Hey, we're back as a family again! I
missed you guys!"
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| Meanwhile, twenty-three civilians were just killed. |
"I don't see how that's a party." - No. Just no.
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| She doesn't see how that's a party. |
Nice Hulk - The biggest issue of the movie. At first, Hulk was really mean and out of control and tried to kill the good guys. But now, Hulk is nice and takes orders pretty well and nobody really seemed to give this a second thought, not even the people he just tried to kill. Speculation on why this is ranges to several different theories, most of which involve speculation that Loki must have some additional unseen power that is never used or mentioned anywhere else. But ultimately this just exists so the the Hulk can be whatever the plot needs him to be at the moment, first a villain, then a hero.
Falling Monsters - When the heroes are about to be crushed by a giant monster because the Hulk doesn't have a basic understanding of physics, unlike his alter-ego, they should at least try to run out from underneath it instead of just sitting there waiting to die.
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| The safest place to be when a giant object is about to fall is directly under it. (See also: Prometheus) |
Hulk's Stretchy Pants - Okay, so Bruce Banner steals new clothes and the motorcycle he rode in on, sure. But where did he manage to get a hold of his stretchy pants? It's hard to imagine that those are just lying around all over the place for him to grab a pair.
Captain America is Their Leader Now - How did he earn this
position? Because he fought in World War 2 for a few months 70 years ago? He
knows nothing of the time, very little of the land, and has the least amount of
experience fighting non-human enemies of the whole group. There's been no
examples or indication in the present day that Captain America would be any good at leading a team at all,
much less a team of super-heroes against an army of aliens. War-Machine would probably be
a great asset here, but anyone except for the Hulk would have probably been a better leader.
Captain America's Plan - As evidence of the last point, the
orders Captain America gives were pretty useless. They mostly consisted of telling people to go
to certain areas and fight the aliens there. A good plan would involve finding
a way to close the portal instead of wasting time fighting the non-stop
onslaught of aliens that keep coming. He's just lucky that the aliens are way
worse at warfare than he is.
Black Widow Hitching A Ride - Yes, that seemed like something that was possible.
Steering - Turns out that steering one of these hover carts consists of stabbing a Chitauri in the back and moving them around like a steering wheel. Good
thing that was exactly what Black Widow tried first then.
Robbing the Bank - Why were the Chitauri gathering up people
in the bank just to kill them? They had far more pressing issues at the moment. Not that killing this small group of people would have achieved anything for them anyway.
"Can You Hear Me Now?" - Despite having no ear-pieces, all the heroes can communication with each other when they're great distances apart by just talking like they were all standing right next to each other.
"Can You Hear Me Now?" - Despite having no ear-pieces, all the heroes can communication with each other when they're great distances apart by just talking like they were all standing right next to each other.
Puny God - So the villain of the story, despite planning out
everything in detail and being several steps ahead of the heroes the entire
time, gets defeated because he wasn't bright enough to not stand within arms
reach of the Hulk, or even to just move when he sees the Hulk reaching for him. He
was never outsmarted. He wasn't even outfought. He did absolutely everything right for the whole movie, and then he just stood too close to the
Hulk. What a pathetic and disappointing defeat. They threw away what could have been a great fight between the heroes and their villain, all for a joke.
Loki's Not Dead - The Hulk just walks away and leaves
Loki lying there, clearly alive. This behavior would be expected from Loki, but not from a good guy.
Loki's Deliciously Evil Plan - Now that we've pretty much seen it all, what was his plan? To take over the world? Like a Power Rangers villain? Okay, but what does "taking over the world" actually consist of? Was he going to enslave the human race for cheap labor? The alien army he had would probably be much better workers if that was his goal, and he seemed to already have control over them anyway. Or was he just going to spend his days sitting in a chair while people came over and kneeled in front of him? He does seem to like that. It would have been nice if he had any sort of motivation that isn't normally exclusive to children's cartoons.
Hey, Here's An Off-Switch - After Slevig is cured of his
mind control with that old hit to the head, he reveals that despite being under
Loki's mind control, there was still enough of him in there to develop an off-switch for the portal that's letting all the aliens in. That is ridiculously
lucky and convenient! Sure was nice of
that man under mind control to do that. So that fixes that problem. But there's
still the little issue of how to deal with the massive amounts of aliens already here. There's
no way the heroes are going to get this lucky again...
NUCLEAR BOMB
Wow - That's an incredible overreaction. "They'll kill
everyone if we don't nuke them." They do know what a
nuclear bomb does, right? Did they even see how weak these aliens were before
deciding to just go and kill everyone? The aliens were never any sort of
substantial threat.
Shadow Council - Who are these people that they would
have this sort of authority to demand such a measure be taken? Who would grant this organization access to their nuclear weapons anyway? They better get some serious reprimands over this one.
The Bomber - What soldier would follow the order to destroy New York? And there were actually two of them as well!
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| He doesn't care. He just wants to get home in time to catch Mike & Molly. |
Stop them Nick Fury! - Fury manages to stop one plane with a rocket launcher. He sees another plane and pulls out his gun, considering trying to shoot at it, but then figures that doing so probably won't achieve anything, so he lets the plane go, as it's better just to let them nuke New York than to bother to try.
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| "Is saving New York really worth a whole bullet?" |
Two of Them - Why did they need two planes anyway? Were they going to nuke New York twice?
Iron Man's Sacrifice - Iron Man is on his way to deliver the nuclear bomb to the alien mothership. Captain America: "You know that's a
one-way trip." No, Iron Man doesn't know that. There's zero evidence to suggest
this. They were trying to make it seem like Tony Stark was making the decision to sacrifice himself to save millions, but there was never any indication in the slightest that he couldn't just
go through the portal and then come right back out of it again, especially seeing as how that's exactly what he ends up doing.
Killing All the Bad Guys - But then again, there was also
never any indication that there was a mothership on the other side of that
portal that would make all the aliens die whenever anyone launched a nuclear
missile at it (probably why the Shadow Council didn't try it), and the heroes were
right about that one. Was there ever any point that the Chitauri thought this
may have been a bad idea? "Okay sir, you can have your setup where every
soldier dies as soon if the mothership gets destroyed, but in that case, can we
at least maybe keep the mothership in the back? Like far away maybe? No? You
want it right up front where any jet propulsion system can get to it? Okay,
you're the boss..."
Losing Power - Iron Man's suit is brand new. He just put it
on twenty minutes ago. Maybe if he had learned an earlier lesson and realized
that his suit can actually hold 400% as much power as he thought, he wouldn't
be about to die right now.
Closing the Portal - Iron Man goes in. Everyone on the ground knows that whatever he did killed all the aliens. And then Captain America immediately wants to close it? All
the aliens are dead, there's no more threat. Can't he just keep it open for a
couple of minutes to see if Iron Man comes back? What's the harm at this point?
Falling Tony - Iron Man comes back through the portal
(without even trying, stupid Captain America). He's falling to his death. Thor
readies himself to save him. But then why didn't he? Hulk eventually catches him,
but by the time Thor realizes that, it would have been too late for him to do
anything about it. He didn't even try...
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| Maybe Thor just has a thing for twirling his hammer while watching people fall to their deaths. |
Bringing Iron Man Back to Life - How did Hulk's scream manage to re-power the Iron Man suit? Like a lot of areas of this movie, it doesn't need to make sense as long as someone believes it's funny.
People Need Help - New York City has suffered a pretty devastating attack. There's probably a ton of people at the moment who are buried under rubble and could use the help of the heroes to not die, but the heroes just
sit around joking about Shawarma.
ENDING
They're Still In Charge - So even after all that, Nick Fury
is still answering to the Shadow Council. Sigh... What's the point of all of them having such poor lighting anyway?
Natalie Portman Again - At this point all the bad guys are taken care of and everything is fine. Why not just stop by and see Natalie Portman for a few minutes?
Natalie Portman Again - At this point all the bad guys are taken care of and everything is fine. Why not just stop by and see Natalie Portman for a few minutes?
The News - Although never stated, it wouldn't be reaching to assume that thousands were killed in this attack. There was also a giant portal that opened up over New York and let in an invading alien army that tried to take over the planet. Given this, it does appear that there are more pressing news stories to focus on rather than just showing clips of "I love you Thor!" and "Iron Man was so cool!" And CNN wonders why nobody watches their network anymore.
Loki in Custody - Why weren't they using Thor's magic
handcuffs the first time they captured Loki?
Sure You Can Have Loki - How can Shield just give Loki back to the Asgards without having any control or say in making sure he won't be able to come back again? Why wasn't he tried for all the crimes he committed? Loki does not have diplomatic immunity. This is even more bothersome given that Loki was already in Thor's world at the end of Thor where he escaped from to cause all these problems in the first place. What makes them think Loki can't or won't just do it again? And by the way, they were sending Loki back... with the Tesseract! How much more incompetent can SHIELD and the heroes get? They deserve whatever Thanos is about to bring down on them.
He's Still In Charge - Shadow Council: "It wasn't your call to let Thor take the Tesseract and the war criminal who should be answering for his crimes." After pretty much ignoring and disobeying every order he's given over the course of the movie, Nick Fury isn't fired, demoted, reprimanded, or even given a tongue lashing. Why does Nick Fury think that the Tesseract is safer in the hands of an alien race, as opposed to in his own care? Especially given that it's a member of that race that just tried to use the Tesseract to take over the world. It's acceptance of insubordination like this that leads people to believe it's okay to just start dropping nuclear bombs wherever they want.
Sending A Message - Nick Fury: "The Whole World Knows It. Every World Knows It." Nick Fury is all pleased with himself because his Avenger team saved the day and now all other alien races will think twice before messing with Earth! Only, the Avengers did next to nothing while it was the nuclear bomb that really did all the work, something Earth already had a bunch of. Avengers weren't needed. Just know where to aim those bombs and it'll be fine.
Loki's Mind Control - What a ridiculous power this is. This is like something that kids would play on the playground. "Tag, you're on our team now!" But even so, if the power is there, Loki might as well make use of it, something he barely did. He took control of a couple of guys that he needed for his evil plans, but that was it. He had great opportunities to get Nick Fury and Captain America, of which he never bothered to try. They would have been great allies to have. If he has gained control of Nick Fury, he'd basically be fully in charge of SHIELD, making his goals pretty easy to achieve at that point. Imagine how much more powerful he would have been if he had gained control of the Hulk. That's a decent weapon to have. He did none of that. He used it three times altogether when he could have made so much more use of it. But the worst part about the whole thing was the cure that consists of getting hit in the head. It's almost like this power was only designed only for plot purposes so the filmmakers could have a way to change people between good and evil at the flip of a switch while spending as little as time as possible explaining how that would be. But that couldn't be it, right? And besides, that still doesn't explain the Hulk's personality changes.
Man Out of Time - There's one character in this movie where the audience is likely to leave that character's previous solo movie with the strong desire to want to see what happens to him next. Captain America. At the end of Captain America, he was frozen in ice for decades and thawed out in the present. Exploring how he adjusts to the present day, given that everything he knew is gone, would have been the most interesting personal story of all the characters. But the movie doesn't delve into any depth with him at all. He's only there to fight while not even touching upon all of that "waking up in the future to a world he doesn't know" stuff. There's a couple of comedic lines thrown in there about how Captain America doesn't know about certain modern things, such as Pilates, but that's as far as the movie goes with that. Iron Man, Hulk and Black Widow all had personal side-stories in the movie, even if they weren't significant. But Captain America, the one character who needed a little time spent to his own story... he got nothing. There wasn't even a "Hey Tony, I think I knew your grandfather."
Where Were the Characters? - There was no depth or complexity to anybody. There was plenty of opportunity for it, but every time anything seemed to be headed in that direction, they would just throw in a silly joke and ruin it. All that the viewers were subjected to was playful banter for the whole movie at the expense of having any scenes of actual character substance. Everyone was so completely flat. There's just a bunch of wise-cracks instead of bothering to have any sort of real human interactions. They would fight and spout jokes about their situation. That's all. As if the thought was, "Hey, the people already like these characters, so why waste time on that stuff when there's all this cool fighting we could do?"
That Dialogue - Tying into the last point... Iron Man is a smart alec. That's who he is. Which of the other characters are like that? None of them. Until The Avengers that is. Now, they're all sarcastic and witty and end every scene with some comedic one-liner. The lines usually felt forced, out of character and over the top. Even Tony Stark's sarcastic attitude was way overboard here. The biggest change probably had to do with Coulson. What was a serious government agent in the previous movies, is suddenly a comedic fanboy-like caricature here, completely giddy over Captain America. It's completely inconsistent with how his character and all the characters were portrayed in the previous movies.
 |
| "Did all of us really need to be here for this?" |
He's Still In Charge - Shadow Council: "It wasn't your call to let Thor take the Tesseract and the war criminal who should be answering for his crimes." After pretty much ignoring and disobeying every order he's given over the course of the movie, Nick Fury isn't fired, demoted, reprimanded, or even given a tongue lashing. Why does Nick Fury think that the Tesseract is safer in the hands of an alien race, as opposed to in his own care? Especially given that it's a member of that race that just tried to use the Tesseract to take over the world. It's acceptance of insubordination like this that leads people to believe it's okay to just start dropping nuclear bombs wherever they want.
Sending A Message - Nick Fury: "The Whole World Knows It. Every World Knows It." Nick Fury is all pleased with himself because his Avenger team saved the day and now all other alien races will think twice before messing with Earth! Only, the Avengers did next to nothing while it was the nuclear bomb that really did all the work, something Earth already had a bunch of. Avengers weren't needed. Just know where to aim those bombs and it'll be fine.
OTHER
Loki's Mind Control - What a ridiculous power this is. This is like something that kids would play on the playground. "Tag, you're on our team now!" But even so, if the power is there, Loki might as well make use of it, something he barely did. He took control of a couple of guys that he needed for his evil plans, but that was it. He had great opportunities to get Nick Fury and Captain America, of which he never bothered to try. They would have been great allies to have. If he has gained control of Nick Fury, he'd basically be fully in charge of SHIELD, making his goals pretty easy to achieve at that point. Imagine how much more powerful he would have been if he had gained control of the Hulk. That's a decent weapon to have. He did none of that. He used it three times altogether when he could have made so much more use of it. But the worst part about the whole thing was the cure that consists of getting hit in the head. It's almost like this power was only designed only for plot purposes so the filmmakers could have a way to change people between good and evil at the flip of a switch while spending as little as time as possible explaining how that would be. But that couldn't be it, right? And besides, that still doesn't explain the Hulk's personality changes.
Man Out of Time - There's one character in this movie where the audience is likely to leave that character's previous solo movie with the strong desire to want to see what happens to him next. Captain America. At the end of Captain America, he was frozen in ice for decades and thawed out in the present. Exploring how he adjusts to the present day, given that everything he knew is gone, would have been the most interesting personal story of all the characters. But the movie doesn't delve into any depth with him at all. He's only there to fight while not even touching upon all of that "waking up in the future to a world he doesn't know" stuff. There's a couple of comedic lines thrown in there about how Captain America doesn't know about certain modern things, such as Pilates, but that's as far as the movie goes with that. Iron Man, Hulk and Black Widow all had personal side-stories in the movie, even if they weren't significant. But Captain America, the one character who needed a little time spent to his own story... he got nothing. There wasn't even a "Hey Tony, I think I knew your grandfather."
Where Were the Characters? - There was no depth or complexity to anybody. There was plenty of opportunity for it, but every time anything seemed to be headed in that direction, they would just throw in a silly joke and ruin it. All that the viewers were subjected to was playful banter for the whole movie at the expense of having any scenes of actual character substance. Everyone was so completely flat. There's just a bunch of wise-cracks instead of bothering to have any sort of real human interactions. They would fight and spout jokes about their situation. That's all. As if the thought was, "Hey, the people already like these characters, so why waste time on that stuff when there's all this cool fighting we could do?"
That Dialogue - Tying into the last point... Iron Man is a smart alec. That's who he is. Which of the other characters are like that? None of them. Until The Avengers that is. Now, they're all sarcastic and witty and end every scene with some comedic one-liner. The lines usually felt forced, out of character and over the top. Even Tony Stark's sarcastic attitude was way overboard here. The biggest change probably had to do with Coulson. What was a serious government agent in the previous movies, is suddenly a comedic fanboy-like caricature here, completely giddy over Captain America. It's completely inconsistent with how his character and all the characters were portrayed in the previous movies.
The Bad Guy - Whereas Loki was villainous but sympathetic in Thor, here he's just all out evil. "Come on minions, time to go be evil!" From his plan to rule the world to his constant evil grin, he went from being a person in Thor to just being a cartoon villain (not a comic book villain mind you, those guys are way more sophisticated than this). He was entirely one-dimensional. He was an angry child who really wanted a planet to rule really really bad and was so mad at those people who wouldn't let him. He never came off as threatening or dangerous. "Oh no! He's making that crowd kneel! How evil!" Maybe Thanos will be better.
Will the Good Guys Lose? - Also tying into the previous point. A large issue with this movie was that there was never any sense of danger or threat at any point in this movie. None of the characters seemed to think that any of this was a big deal. They were constantly cracking-wise throughout the whole thing. It was too jokey and comedic for any sense of danger to seep through. Hulk was playfully punching Thor in the middle of an alien invasion. Coulson waited patiently on the phone while Black Widow was busy beating up bad guys. No character in this movie ever took their situation seriously, so neither does the viewer. And afterall, why should they? Everyone was next to invincible, even the human characters. Black Widow got backhanded by the Hulk. She was fine. She even had a gash on her forehead that healed in a couple of hours. Captain America and Hawkeye let out some groans after some taking some big hits, but that's about as bad as things got. Everyone was all pretty indestructible and at that point they just become story devices to move things along.
No Plot - Story was next to non-existent in this movie. And what little of it there was only seemed to exist to move the movie from set-piece to set-piece. This movie was more like separate individual sequences that had been strung together in hopes of making some sort of cohesive whole rather than being a complete movie itself. This movie was about as simplistic and dumbed-down as possible, making the entire experience unfulfilling and forgettable . It would be nice if there was more to say on this matter, but there's not a whole lot to comment on the story and plot given that there's hardly any there to begin with. Plotting and cohesiveness weren't just put second, they were completely ignored. It's how a list like this can exist.
 |
| It feels so good to be evil! |
Will the Good Guys Lose? - Also tying into the previous point. A large issue with this movie was that there was never any sense of danger or threat at any point in this movie. None of the characters seemed to think that any of this was a big deal. They were constantly cracking-wise throughout the whole thing. It was too jokey and comedic for any sense of danger to seep through. Hulk was playfully punching Thor in the middle of an alien invasion. Coulson waited patiently on the phone while Black Widow was busy beating up bad guys. No character in this movie ever took their situation seriously, so neither does the viewer. And afterall, why should they? Everyone was next to invincible, even the human characters. Black Widow got backhanded by the Hulk. She was fine. She even had a gash on her forehead that healed in a couple of hours. Captain America and Hawkeye let out some groans after some taking some big hits, but that's about as bad as things got. Everyone was all pretty indestructible and at that point they just become story devices to move things along.
No Plot - Story was next to non-existent in this movie. And what little of it there was only seemed to exist to move the movie from set-piece to set-piece. This movie was more like separate individual sequences that had been strung together in hopes of making some sort of cohesive whole rather than being a complete movie itself. This movie was about as simplistic and dumbed-down as possible, making the entire experience unfulfilling and forgettable . It would be nice if there was more to say on this matter, but there's not a whole lot to comment on the story and plot given that there's hardly any there to begin with. Plotting and cohesiveness weren't just put second, they were completely ignored. It's how a list like this can exist.